What I Learned From a Group of Female Millionaires

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We'd love for more female docs to get their hands on this greatness! Also today I have two more quick things for you. #1: We did a really fun ambassador program to kind of gear up for the podcast and we got all kinds of great insight from these amazing women in our ambassador group and we did some fun giveaways for them. And one of the giveaways was donated by Park Avenue Prints. This is pretty much the only thing at this point that I put up on my walls aside from things that I make, like personal testimonials from the practice and quote graphics and stuff that we have custom-made with our branding. Park Avenue Prints is this absolutely amazing company that has really up-to-date beautifully done Chiropractic graphics and quotes and all kinds of things that you can put up on your wall. Then #2, as of right now our Black Friday deal for you to jump in with us into my signature group coaching program is going to be closed in 24 hours. So you only have one day to jump on in this never before done offer I'm doing, if you prepay for six months you get one month FREE and you also get an amazing Do Less Planner by Kate Northrup. Definitely want to go check that out and it's a great time of year to offset some of those tax burdens.

So I found it fitting since on episode 5 I interviewed the lovely Kate Northrup, I wanted to actually break down some of my biggest takeaways from being in her Mastermind experience in 2020. So this mastermind that I was in was for high-level female entrepreneurs; so you have to be had to be making a certain level of multiple six figures or beyond and many of the members of the group were in that seven-figure range as well. It was not my first time being in a high-level Mastermind, but it was my first time being in high-level Mastermind with only women led by a woman.

Needless to say, it was a much different experience and a profound one at that. To be honest, Kate and I joked about this when we were together in October; She was like, "I'm not gonna lie, in the beginning, I wasn't quite so sure about you." And I was like, "oh I get it because when I arrived here, I was like, I don't know if I can do this." The reason for that is because even though I had spent a lot of time dismantling some of that go go go thought process already, I knew that it was not helpful for me. And I knew that it was honestly like making me sick physically, mentally, it had created such a challenge for me. I knew that but I hadn't consumed enough content that was designed in an opposite direction to actually know what it meant to not live that way anymore. I knew that it was bad, but it was still stamped all over me. It was still just in there, "in order to move forward I had to do as much as humanly possible" - that was in there. Kate's whole journey and her work is about really being conscious of your energy and understanding when to rest and understand that sometimes you literally can allow things to happen for you and you'll see more return than when you try to force the envelope. We talked about this a little bit in the episode with her.

I definitely arrived in this Mastermind as an old version of myself desperately looking for something different but not even knowing what that necessarily was. I went on this awesome journey with her and with these other amazing women in a small group.

The first little tidbit I have for you isn't one of my formal takeaways. This is just an umbrella theme; Being coached and seen and supported by a female, by someone who really is embracing a different way of working, a different way of bringing value to the world, has been one of the biggest gifts of my life. I have had so many strong women in my life. I've never been exposed to a woman who really started to dismantle this masculine 24-hour energy cycle productivity stuff. I've never had anyone that's been an active healing from that, teach me how to really embrace healing in that way; Find an amazing woman to help mentor you because learning from someone who actually is embracing our differences is literally transformative. It will change so much about how you work, how you live, how you show up every day. I'm thankful for all of the male mentors and coaches I've had in my life. But this is the first time that I've had someone actually give me permission to be fully myself in a way that's just entirely different because she understands what it's like to live in this type of body.

#5 is people at this level - So just meaning being in community with CEOs of this level, they ask for what they need. What I found with this group of women in particular is they really showed up knowing what they needed to get out of the experience, but also being willing to surrender to the fact that they were going to get other things that they never saw coming but the things that they knew they needed they were relentless about asking for. I'm just being honest about what I need to get from here to there. I know that this doesn't seem revolutionary, but I want you to just take a little minute and ask yourself if you are asking for what you need. In my experience as a coach, this is one of the biggest indicators that someone's growing is when they're actually able to start deciphering what they need and they're able to start asking for that willingly without tons of prompting. This is something I see all the time that when you are at a certain level and business you're quiet; You don't want to bring up things because you're worried about judgement or you're worried that you're further behind than where you think you should be.

We have this one particular guest who we all had been kind of girl crushing on in the business world for the last couple of months prior, so we only had her for an hour and it was an open Q+A and within 30 to 60 seconds everyone had their hand up. We had to figure out the order because nobody was going to pass up an opportunity to ask her a question. I feel like this is something so key that you can learn, is just how do you start being willing to just fight for what you need and just blatantly ask for it? Especially when it's a program that you're paying for by the way, when you are willing to just lay it all on the line, you're going to feel supported and you're going to have this amazing reciprocal process at such a different level because you're open to receiving because you asked.

#4 I can do less and make more: I did the least amount of marketing by a million miles in 2020 and we made way more - and I have so many more examples of this, even examples of this from my digital business. This is all about learning and I want you to ask yourself; If you did have that year where you were trying to control the things that you could not control, were you trying to do tons more in an environment that literally told you to stop doing that?

Because if that's the case, you were running against the universe this year instead of just surrendering to the fact that this was the year for you to learn that you could do less and make more. I know that many many of you are because I've been in conversation with so many docs this year and that has been the case. I know that that has happened and so if it hasn't happened for you yet, here's a little exercise.

Sit down and write out all the things that you do on a regular basis: weekly, monthly, quarterly. Write those out and then go through and highlight the ones that actually generate revenue for you; what actually matters and then start taking out the things that don't and I can guarantee you that you will do less and make more because you're going to focus more energy on the things that matter.

This year more than ever I had so many examples of this just like thrust upon me and so I know that this is very very possible for you and so freeing. I can tell you this is layers of letting go for me. This is fresh and raw because I literally just spent the last, almost 4 days straight in bed and I was feeling that I should be doing things; but then I have grown so much that I know my body is smart. The universe is super smart, and this is teaching me something - it's time for me to rest things are going to be better on the other side of this. It's so important for you to just ask yourself for the opportunity to learn that you can do less and make more.

#3  My eyes were fully opened to patriarchy: Everyone just has this visceral reaction. This isn't about hating men, I love men. They have helped me immensely in my life. I didn't know the depth of what I now know after being in this Mastermind experience with Kate. She had us read this amazing book called Patriarchy Stress Disorder by Dr. Valerie Rein; It's so eye-opening.

I don't really like speaking; I love changing the perception and reality of an audience member but I actually having to go up on stage, it's not my favorite thing. I really genuinely don't love being in the spotlight. In fact, I actually kind of detest it. I'm a full-on introvert. It's much easier for me right now as I'm speaking to you literally from my closet because I'm just talking to myself. Anything that is out there I really struggle with and I never thought about that being related to history until this book and until Kate talk to us about patriarchy. Several times this year would say things to me, of course, you feel uncomfortable with that because exemplary women have a history of being shamed. Our history is, play small or die. Powerful women in history were killed and so epigenetically that trauma is stored and I still can experience that. I have fully believe, this is a huge reason why I have struggled with my growth in this profession because I actually have experienced personally some of that too. So I have kind of a double whammy of the old and the new and it has been a hard thing to shake. She helped me look at this in a much deeper way and she helped me reframe being able to express myself because when explaining to her a lot of this and how much I don't like being in the spotlight, I don't like being the material.

She helped me understand that I am the conduit for the material, so that in conjunction with this patriarchy situation really helped me to look deeper into some of the reasons why I haven't fully expressed myself and my views and why I struggle at times with consistency of expressing such things. It's easy for my alarm bells to go up and feeling like someone's going to be upset with me about this.

I had an amazing text conversation with this mentor in the Chiropractic profession a few years ago when I was really kind of starting down this journey of like, who am I? What am I doing here? What's my next step? Where do I go? Why is it such a struggle for me to show up and be my full self? Why am I so concerned about those things? And then when I do do that, why do people have such a reaction? This is something he said directly to me; He said, "Krysti your power is too confronting for most, even yourself sometimes. It inspires me where others would rather chop your head off then have to grow along with you."

It was really helpful for me with regard to my mission of helping women remember who they've always been. Females in the practice that have either their own active trauma history or don't, still have this historical trauma and you all are well aware that trauma can be stored in tissues. So this has also been really helpful for me with regards to my Healing Art and trusting my innate and my hands and looking deeper at things. So don't overlook this reason why you might be really struggling to display your power; It really might be something that has to do with history and something that you can start to unravel by learning more about that process. 

#2 I am done burning the fuel of proving. So this comes from one of our months in The Mastermind, Kate started talking about this phenomenon that she has witnessed where women really either are burning of fuel of passion or burning of fuel of proving. You all know when someone says something and you have this deep reaction that means to perk up and pay attention here. 

I've had an interesting trajectory in this profession; hopefully, that quote can tell you a little bit about my past and it's no secret that I have had plenty of times where I then become insecure because I'll share something that I think is important and if it is counter-intuitive or directly contesting something that someone else in the profession thinks is important or a way we should do things, that's not okay for them and they let me know about it. So it has been an interesting road for sure and it has definitely made me even more introverted than I thought. It could be it has fueled what I just told you where I struggle to speak up and that has meant that there's been lots of times where I felt like I had to prove myself. I felt like I needed to do more and show up bigger and whatever in order to just prove that I had a seat at the table. When Kate started talking about this burning the fuel of proving it really resonated with me because when I am not at my best self, when I am not calm, and certain and creative and in my abundance, my default is competition and I'm being real raw and honest with you here. My number one strength in strengths finder is competition and it's one of those things that I'm honestly not very proud of. I'm so committed to learning more about myself deepening my understanding so that I can help others do the same, and I can continue to grow down into more of myself not grow into a different version of me; but continued to grow down into the universal amazing being that's always been here that I have abandoned little by little year over a year, which I'm going to venture to guess you probably have done a little of the same. 

I've had to put boundaries in place for myself with different types of situations in my life because of this like to the point where I mute certain things on social media from people that I actually even love and care about because it's not helpful to me being my best self. Really hearing Kate talk about this burning fuel of proving has allowed me to identify when I transition to that zone in the course of a month or whatever It may be when this starts to happen because I'm tired, I'm stressed, things maybe aren't going the way I had planned. I default to this competition proving mode and it's much easier for me to recognize when I'm burning that fuel much quicker now that I understand how I operate when I am burning the fuel of passion and purpose.

When I'm in that mode things are so easy and simple because I can just show up and do what I know I am capable of and I can share what's on my heart and then, whatever happens, happens. It's about passion and purpose and that's why I'm talking to you right now. I literally talked to someone about starting a podcast with someone else years ago yours and I was like, no, I really should start a podcast on my own. It's been on my radar for a long time like at that point years ago when I was approached, I had already been thinking about it for a year, and here we are now finally getting this going because this is about passion and purpose and it's not about proving.

I might not even watch the downloads and the metrics and the stuff at least not for a while because if there are a couple of amazing doc that are here, that just needed that little spark of some change and that actually helps them move forward into their trajectory for this profession than it was worth it. And I know that that sounds so cliche but this is literally what I have to do to stay in burning the fuel of passion and purpose because I need to guard my own energy against just reaching that next milestone and for me, a lot of that is about perfection and in perfection that just obviously doesn't exist. 

It was in abundance this year because I got clear on what it feels like to consistently bounce out of that proving mode like faster and faster and faster and also put up some really healthy boundaries with the people in my life that fuel the proving. There are some specific people in my life that I think are still very much in that proving mode that I again love and appreciate but kind of have learned how to create some healthy boundaries there so that I can stay in my passion zone and stay in my purposeful zone. So let me just ask you are you burning the fuel of proving or of passion? If you feel like proving is happening more often than you'd like what boundaries do you need to put in place in order to help with that? How do you get back to the passion and the purpose? The best litmus test for this in my mind is does it feel simple? Does showing up and sharing whatever you have to share with the world, does it feel simple? If it doesn't then we have to figure out what you are trying to prove? Who are you trying to prove it to?

Once you figure that stuff out I guarantee whatever you want to do for your practice is going to feel much more joyful.  

#1 I can allow myself to be held: When I was on the plane to my first Mastermind Retreat, which was in California in February, Kate proposed a bunch of questions that we had to journal on before we got there. One of the questions was something along the lines of, what does it mean to you to feel held? I will never forget on the plane, I'm writing about this and I literally have this reaction in my head. I had this visual image about a Wild Mustang horse having ropes thrown over it and people trying to tame this Wild Mustang. I told everyone at the retreat, here's my reaction to being held: I feel like for me to feel held it feels constricting. It feels like I'm losing something. It feels like my freedom is being withheld or someone's trying to tame me.

The reason why she asked this was just a different way of asking what you felt about being helped, how do you feel about asking for help. How do you feel about people that ask for help, that kind of thing. So the concept of feeling held to Kate was more just like, oh it's about like being supported but for some reason, that word gave me this crazy reaction. And here's the reason: I'm Midwestern to the core and growing up, you probably grew up in a family similar to mine where it was like you do things yourself and that's how you prove. So I grew up in this thought process. I'm so grateful to my parents, they taught me the most amazing work ethic. I would not obviously be who I am or where I am in life without it, but I'm not really very good about asking for help. I am totally that person where I will lift something way too heavy for me and people will offer to help; I'll say no because it's some sort of badge of honor for me to literally break myself in the process of moving this couch. 

I don't really ask for help very well. I have learned over the years how as a CEO to delegate and how to get better about expectations and things of that nature but in general as a human being I'm pretty crappy about asking for help and so as I progress through the year this became more and more apparent.

One of my other top five strengths is responsibility, which basically means that's fundamentally who I am if I can be responsible for more, I am therefore worth more. That is my mental wiring. So as the year progressed this became more and more apparent all the way until the last retreat when I had this full-on epiphany that going from where I am as a CEO - so now going from someone who has businesses that make seven figures to now wanting to scale and have businesses that make multiple seven figures that create multiple seven figures of revenue. I need to change from a person that does to a person that leads now. I've been a leader for a really long time, but I always default to doing instead of leading first, and if I can truly allow myself to feel held, meaning supported, help, so forth, then I actually can lead because I won't have to do so much. In my very clear view now retrospectively, right? This is the difference as you scale. This is the difference as you grow your business, you have to be willing to surrender and allow people to help you.

You and I know that you all feel like you do to some degree because we all have certain things that we allow, you know for help with, but could you do more? Is it possible for you to take that quote, "if it's going to be it's up to me", and change it to "if it's going to be it's up to my entire Squad, It's up to my team, my support system, my family, the universe"

I have learned that when I am so focused on doing that's where that wild loner horse that I envisioned was alone. And I am done with that. I have built these amazing teams in two businesses now that want to push our mission forward.

And the more that I refuse to allow myself to feel held and to accept help and create this system and structure and expectations, the more that I refuse that, I'm denying them. I am not allowing them to fulfill their purpose. I'm not letting them burn the fuel of passion because I'm trying to protect them; I'm trying to prove that I can do it all to myself. I can tell you I've come full circle on this because now when I think about the word held I actually feel in my body a sense of calm. The easiest place to start with this is just to ask yourself what you think about feeling held, what does your body do when you think of that? I recently asked this to my clients on one of our coaching calls and a couple of them said the same like they're like, "oh, I feel like someone's choking me" or "I feel constricted." "I feel backed into a corner kind of a thing."

Pick up this little golden thread and see where it travels in your life and be willing to ask yourself if you accept help and are you willing if you don't, are you willing to start baby-stepping your way to saying I do?

I'm okay with feeling held and supported at a different level. I'm just looking at things completely differently and I'm willing to cast aside this thought process that I have to start or do certain things and I'm willing to let other people try and learn by trying and that is something at a different level this year than I've ever experienced. That's something that's going to be a gift to them. Instead of me feeling like I have to give them all the answers, I'm going to let them find their own and that's going to let me feel held.

I don't think I will ever in my life not be in some sort of coaching community experience actively because I can just tell you over the last seven years, there's only been a few years where it was either in the wrong fit and I could start to feel that or I wasn't being coached or an experience at all. Those were the years that I wasn't growing at the depth that I know that I could; I wasn't remembering all of me and I wasn't digging deeper. 

This is a huge passion in life is learning and finding people that are really going to be my conduit to help explore the depth of me and help me learn how to show up as more of myself every single day and so finding something like that in your life is one of the biggest gifts you could ever give yourself. So ask yourself what you're going to do for next year to make sure that you are growing down into that version of you that was born into brilliance so that you can share that brilliance.

So the ending quote I have for you today really is aligned with so much of what I've learned this year. One of the biggest things being that it's okay for us to have a cycle of productivity. It's okay for us to show up in certain seasons and to rest in others because that's how we were designed beautifully and wonderfully. The ending quote today is from Dr. Valerie Rein in the book, Patriarchy Stress Disorder that I suggested.

"Rest the state of the feminine creative is devalued as all things that have to do with feminine power."